CHILDREN EDUCATION: IT IS EASIER TO TEACH CHILDREN THAN TO BUILD THEIR CHARACTERS
CHILDREN EDUCATION: IT IS EASIER TO TEACH CHILDREN THAN TO BUILD THEIR CHARACTERS
by Syarif Hidayat*
It is easy to educate our children to become clever individuals as there are many FINE schools and universities available almost everywhere as long as we have enough money to finance their education. But it is very difficult to build their own characters to become FINE and well-behaved individuals lawfully and religiously!
Beside the caring parents and the good education, they also need good examples from their parents and the society especially the public figures such as honest and well-behaved bureaucrats, politicians, religious leaders as well as the other public figures.
Islam has been advocating education as a social necessity for over 1400 years. The Qur’an and the Hadiths (sayings of the Prophet Mohammed peace be upon him) explicitly emphasise the importance of education; in Islam seeking education is obligatory for every Muslim, male and female. Indeed the acquisition of knowledge and the use of this knowledge for the betterment of humanity is seen as a sacred duty for Muslims.
This importance of education is basically for two reasons. Education makes man a right thinker. Without education, no one can think properly in an appropriate context you. It tells man how to think and how to make decision. The second reason for the importance of education is that only through the attainment of education, man is enabled to receive information from the external world. It is well said that
“Without education, man is as though in a closed room and with education he finds himself in a room with all its windows open towards outside world.” This is why Islam attaches such great importance to knowledge and education. When the Quran began to be revealed, the first word of its first verse was ‘Iqra’ that is, read: The first verses of the Quran began with the word: In the Name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful. “Read. Read in the name of thy Lord who created; [He] created the human being from blood clot. Read in the name of thy Lord who taught by the pen: [He] taught the human being what he did not know.” (Al Qur’an, Surah Al Alaq, Surah, Verses: 1-5).
The reflective book of Holy Quran is so rich in content and meaning that if the history of human thought continues forever, this book is not likely to be read to its end. Every day it conveys a new message to the humanity. Every morning, it gives us new thoughtful ideas and bound us in the boundaries of ethics.
Islamic Education is one of the best systems of education, which makes an ethical groomed person with all the qualities, which he/she should have as a human being. The Western world has created the wrong image of Islam in the world. They don’t know that our teachings are directly given to us from Allah, who is the creator of this world, through our Prophets.
Islam also emphasizes the importance of children education. All the teachers of either secular or religious education should give more attention to the pupils inside the classroom. It is necessary that in the Islamic system that we should consider these dear children as our own children, and put aside all other considerations, and rise above all such things and realize our duty and our mission.
We should raise the standards of education and attend to the needs of these children. We should realize our duties with earnestness and awaken to the sense of responsibility. It has been seen that there are certain teacher who are not fulfilling their duties with keen interest. I would like to request all the teachers that for the sake of God, for the sake of your revolutionary duty, teach the children with devotion and dedication.
It is important that we advance our work through discussions, debates, studies, and through proper distribution of work among ourselves. We should make our child enthusiastic, dynamic, and this search should pervade every corner of our society. We should aspire them to be truthful and sincere.
Self-sacrifice and generosity, love of freedom, the resolve for resistance and headstrong perseverance, the courage to welcome martyrdom-all these are the new values of the new generation, which should be taught according to the teaching of Islam. The doors of the school should always be kept open for the sake of Islam, for the sake of the Muslim Ummah.
Our Prophet PBUH warns all Muslims to give attention to Children education in one of the hadiths: Once Abu Umamah asked Prophet Muhammad PBUH about the rights of parents over their children. The Prophet replied, “They are your Paradise and they are your Hell.” – Reported by Abu Umamah.
For the character building, Allah SWT says in Al-Qur’an: “When you are greeted with a greeting, greet in return with what is better than it, or (at least) return it equally. Certainly, Allâh is Ever a Careful Account Taker of all things.” (Al-Qur’an, Surah An-Nisa, Verse: 86).
“And let those (executors and guardians) have the same fear in their minds as they would have for their own, if they had left weak offspring behind. So let them fear Allâh and speak right words.” (Al-Qur’an, Surah An-Nisa, Verse: 9)
“O my son!(said Luqman) If it be (anything) equal to the weight of a grain of mustard seed, and though it be in a rock, or in the heavens or in the earth, Allâh will bring it forth. Verily, Allâh is Subtle (in bringing out that grain), Well¬Aware (of its place). “O my son! Aqim¬As¬Salât (perform As¬Salât), enjoin (on people) Al¬Ma’rûf (Islâmic Monotheism and all that is good), and forbid (people) from Al¬Munkar (i.e. disbelief in the Oneness of Allâh, polytheism of all kinds and all that is evil and bad), and bear with patience whatever befalls you. Verily, these are some of the important commandments (ordered by Allâh with no exemption). “And turn not your face away from men with pride, nor walk in insolence through the earth. Verily, Allâh likes not any arrogant boaster. “And be moderate (or show no insolence) in your walking, and lower your voice. Verily, the harshest of all voices is the braying of the ass.” See you not (O men) that Allâh has subjected for you whatsoever is in the heavens and whatsoever is in the earth, and has completed and perfected His Graces upon you, (both) apparent (i.e Islâmic Monotheism, and the lawful pleasures of this world, including health, good looks, etc.) and hidden [i.e. One’s Faith in Allâh (of Islâmic Monotheism) knowledge, wisdom, guidance for doing righteous deeds, and also the pleasures and delights of the Hereafter in Paradise]? Yet of mankind is he who disputes about Allâh without knowledge or guidance or a Book giving light!” (Al-Qur’an, Surah Luqman, Verses: 16 – 20)
The importance of talking with children
Dr. Aisha Hamdan in her article titled “The importance of talking with children” published in www.missionislam.com writes “Have you had a meaningful conversation together? Do you know what your child accomplished today, how he may be feeling, whether or not he has any concerns? Does your child know that you care about him?”
In Islam, the ties of kinship and family are very strong and something that will always be present throughout our lifetime. There are very serious consequences for someone who decides to break these ties. Allah, subhanahu wa ta’ala, says,”Then, is it to be expected of you, if you were put in authority, that you will do mischief in the land, and break your ties of kith and kin? Such are the men whom Allah has cursed for He has made them deaf and blinded their sight.” [Qur’an, Surah Muhammad (47): Verses :22-23].
The Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, said,”Whoever severs the bonds of kinship will not enter Paradise.” (Bukhari and Muslim).
A major component of our familial ties is communication. In fact, without communication there would be little connection between people. Living together in the same household with limited, or even hostile, interaction would not fit the criteria for maintaining the bonds of kinship. To develop meaningful relationships within our families we need to know how to communicate effectively and sincerely with each other. A large part of this involves skills and principles that can be learned through practice and sincere effort. The following is a guide to strengthen these ties that bind.
1)Active Listening.
You may be surprised to discover that the most important aspect of effective communication is listening. This means that the listener pays full attention to the speaker and attempts to understand what that person is saying and feeling. The listener should suspend judgment, show interest, and respect what is being said. He or she may then restate the content and feelings to demonstrate that sincerity is present. The Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, always gave his full attention to anyone that he conversed with, even his enemies and those with whom he disagreed. When he addressed his companions, they listened intently and attached importance to everything he said.
2)Level of Understanding.
Parents should always keep in mind the age and level of understanding of their child and should speak with him accordingly. The Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, said “Speak to the people keeping in view their level of understanding. Would you like to see them think of what you tell them from Allah and His Messenger as lies?” (Bukhari) This is important so that the child will be able to comprehend what is said, the expectations of the parents will not go beyond the capacity of the child and lead to problems, and difficulties will not be placed upon the child unnecessarily. This is particularly pertinent for sensitive issues such as death, personal modesty issues, and adult responsibilities. There are various levels of complexity with each of these and the correct level needs to be chosen for each child. One way to ascertain this is by the type of questions that a child asks.
3) The Manners of a Mu’min.
A believer is someone who believes in Allah’s Message and follows the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam. In relationships then, a believer would demonstrate honesty, kindness, patience, self-restraint, fairness, trustworthiness, etc. He would avoid teasing, blaming, belittling, mocking, excessive and idle talk, and fault-finding. There are many Qur’anic verses and ahadeeth that give detailed descriptions of this topic such as: “Verily, Allah is with the patient.” [2: 153], “Speak fair to the people.” [2:83], “Kind words and covering of faults are better than charity followed by injury.” [2:263], “A Muslim is a brother of another Muslim. He does not wrong him, nor insult him nor humiliate him.” (Muslim), and “The thing which will make the majority of people enter Paradise is fear of Allah and good manners.” (Tirmithi) These principles should be applied in conversations with children and teenagers as well as adults. It is probably even more important with young people because we are setting an example for them. What do we want our children to learn? We can not expect kindness and respect from our children if we are not being kind and respectful toward them.
4) Avoiding Contention.
The Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, said, “If a man gives up contention when he is in the wrong, a house will be built for him within the Garden of Paradise; but if a man gives up contention, even when he is in the right, a house will be built for him in the loftiest part of the Garden.” (Termithi) The value of this advice lies in the fact that contention and disputes lead to a breakdown in the relationship, even rancor, enmity, and hostility. I have worked with many families where this has occurred and it can be very difficult to mend the wounds that have been created and to bring family members back together. It goes without saying that it is best to completely avoid reaching this low level.
Let us all work to improve our style of communication and our relationships with each other. When our children feel that their parents understand them and are willing to listen to them, they will open up their hearts and trust will develop. Effective teaching and discipline cannot be implemented without a certain level of trust, understanding, and mutual respect. If you are concerned about your children in a non-Muslim environment and it is affecting the way you interact with them, the best you can do is teach and advise them, give them responsibility, trust them, and let them know that you care for them. We can then make du’a and rely upon Allah’s Grace and Assistance. This is our best weapon in a world of non-belief. May Allah help each of us to strengthen the ties that bind us together as a family and bring happiness and contentment to our homes.
Practical Tips
• Set aside some time each day to talk with your child. If you have more than one child, each should have their own equal, individual time.
• Read books with your child about Islam that pertain to relationships with others and stories about the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, and the companions, radiallaahu anhum. These will provide you with the necessary guidelines and inspiration.
• Tape record one of your conversations and rate yourself or have other give you feedback. This is an effective method to determine your weak areas and to improve upon them.
• Obtain advice from other parents when needed, especially those who have more experience. This may save time and avoid undue hardships and pain.
The secret to instilling humility in children
Sarah Chana Radcliffe, M.Ed., C.Psych.Assoc. in her article titled “The secret to instilling humility in children” published in www.aish.com writes Imagine being told that the humblest man in the world is coming over to visit you. You would expect him to knock very quietly on the door, entering with his head bowed, meekly shuffling to the chair in the corner of the room.
A humble person is not someone who thinks he’s nothing. A humble person knows he’s something, but he recognizes God as the source of his greatness. Thinking one is something without recognizing God as the source leads to arrogance. And who would want to raise arrogant children?
Take pleasure no pride
We want to teach our children that they are special, talented, skilled, and everything wonderful, but we also want to teach them that all these things are a gift from God. Children should take pleasure in their accomplishments, not pride. They should take pleasure in their accomplishments, not pride. They are choosing to use the gifts that God gave them for good.
Your son could have used his physical agility and strength to be a bully in the schoolyard, but instead chose to participate and excel in sports. Your daughter’s academic accomplishments means she used the brain that God gave her for something good. Both children should take great pleasure in that. They are cashing the check that God wrote and gave to them.
Humility engenders respect for others
Since the humble person recognizes his inner strengths, he has the confidence to recognize greatness in others. An arrogant 10-year-old thinks he’s better than his friends, because (for example) he is such a great reader, whereas the child who has humility knows he’s a great reader but also recognizes that other kids are good at things like sports, math, science and history.
Only the biggest among us can acknowledge the bigness in others. It’s the small-minded person who puts others down. Really big people make others feel big too. We all want our children to know and appreciate who they are, and to respect others.
Knowing one’s place
If I’m not an electrician, it’s not my place to tell my electrician how to rewire my socket. I could make suggestions, of course, in a polite, modest and tentative manner, as in, “Excuse me Mr. Electrician, but is it possible that you forgot to put the connector wire in the socket?” Since the electrician is the expert in this situation, it’s right of me to ask him, rather than to tell him. It would be rude and out of place for me to tell him how to do his job.
A child must respect the experience, knowledge and maturity of those who are older than he is. Similarly, a child must respect the experience, knowledge and maturity of those who are older than he is. When a child knows his place, he asks his parents, rather than tells his parents.
This attitude can be instilled in our children by teaching them three simple words: “Is it possible…?” For example, when a mother is trying to help her daughter with her math homework and makes an error, her daughter, instead of saying, “MOM, YOU’VE GOT IT ALL WRONG!” should say, “Is it possible you’re making a mistake, Mom?” “Is it possible…?” turns vocabulary that is arrogant and “me-centered” into a vocabulary that shows respect for a parent. This is an invaluable tool for building humility.
Admitting mistakes
A final aspect of humility is the ability to admit our errors. The arrogant person can do no wrong, while the humble person admits his mistakes freely. More importantly, the humble person always keeps in mind the possibility that he could be mistaken.
When the arrogant person finds that his bank statement contains a mistake, he marches into the bank and angrily demands an explanation for sloppy performance! The humble person, on the other hand, first takes a moment to consider the possibility that the mistake may have been his own. He then takes the statement to the bank and politely asks the teller to check the figures. He doesn’t accuse, he asks.
Tools for instilling humility in children
#1: Don’t let parental power go to your head.
The best way to our teach children is by example. An arrogant person can never teach humility. Since being a parent means we’re in a position of authority, it’s easy to slip into arrogance. “HOW DARE YOU DISOBEY ME!” is not the right way to react to a child who is not listening. Our job is to teach patiently and respectfully. The very manner in which we deal with our children’s misbehavior can be one of the strongest tools for teaching humility. When we educate quietly, without yelling or insulting, we model humility.
Children are people too, even when they disobey you. Speak gently, maintain your dignity and theirs. If you think that the only way they will listen is if you yell, then you are not disciplining properly.
#2: Kids should ask, not tell.
Parents must not only model behavior, they must also verbally teach it. When a child raises his voice to a parent, he must be corrected. Teach your children two rules:
• ask instead of tell, and
• speak in a pleasant tone of voice.
The three magic words are: “Is it possible…?” The question helps to foster humility in a child. It is important that children realize that adults, particularly parents, have a different status than children. Adults have more experience, knowledge, and authority than children. It is beneficial for children to look up to, rather than across, at adults. It enables them to learn the art of learning from others. An arrogant child can’t learn from anyone.
#3: Don’t tolerate disrespectful speech
The young child who is rude and disrespectful will grow into an even ruder teen who may actually swear and curse his parents. These behaviors don’t arrive suddenly with puberty. They develop many years earlier from unchecked arrogance.
The following five-step program will help correct speech errors and foster respect and humility. Start with the first step and only proceed to the next one if necessary:
1. TEACH the child what you mean by “respectful” speech. Use examples and role-playing.
2. REMIND the child to use respectful speech and model it for him.
3. PROMPT the child during occurrences of disrespectful speech with: “tone of voice,” or “speaking quietly please,” or give the child the first few words: “Mommy, is it possible you forgot…?”
4. BLOCK disrespectful speech with: “I beg your pardon?” or “Excuse me?” or “Would you like to try that again more respectfully please?” As soon as the child corrects himself, the parent offers generous praise.
5. DISCIPLINE if necessary. When the child speaks disrespectfully, the parent might say something like, “We’ve been working on speaking respectfully for quite awhile now and I think you know what you’re supposed to do. From now on, if you raise your voice, use impolite words or demand instead of ask, you will have to write out the rules of respectful speech ten times.” (You can choose another suitable consequence, of course.)
When teaching a child to speak with greater humility and respect, be patient! It can take many years for children to really integrate these speech patterns into their automatic behaviors. Consistency on the part of parents greatly speeds up the process, as does concurrent modeling, generous praise and an overall positive relationship.
As your child grows and learns to speak in a respectful manner, he or she will naturally come to speak to everyone like that — to adults and to peers. Humility will become a way of life and the respect that flows from humility a matter of course. You, the parent, will have given your child a priceless gift, the gift of humility.
Understanding the characteristic of humility
Shaykh Muhammad Abdullah al-Gangohi in his article titled “Understanding the characteristic of humility” published ILM Gate writes Whoever asserts tawaadhu’ (humility) for himself, is undoubtedly a man of pride because when a claim of humility is made, it is made after the perception of one’s (supposed) lofty rank. This implies that one believes in one’s personal elevation, hence one is a mutakabbir (proud person).
Believing oneself to be the most contemptible and lowest being is known as tawaadhu’ (humility). The consideration of greatness in oneself is takabbur (pride). The knowledge of a thing is gained from its opposite. In the absence of the opposite, the knowledge of a thing would not be possible. The knowledge of light is by virtue of darkness. If on earth there was only light and no darkness whatever, the conception of light would not have been possible. The knowledge of courage is on account of cowardice.
If there was no cowardice, there would not have been the knowledge of courage. Thus, the claim of humility made by a person is tantamount to takabbur (pride). There is no doubt in him being proudful. If his nafs was fully imbued with true humility, he would not have been aware thereof because of the non-existence of its opposite, viz. kibr (pride).
Since pride exists in the man who lays claim to humility, the Shaykh (rahmatullah alayh) says that the one who puts forth the claim that he is humble, is in actual fact considering himself to be elevated. Thus, he is a man of pride.
The meaning of Tawaadhu’ is that man views himself with all honesty to be so contemptible that the possibility of him having any rank does not even occur to his mind. He sees nothing but contemptibility in himself. When this degree of humility has been cultivated, no claims will be made, neither in regard to Tawaadhu’ nor in regard to any other praiseworthy attribute.
A humble man is not a person who regards himself above the act of humility he is displaying. A humble man is a person who considers himself below the act of humility he is doing.
Generally people believe that a humble person is one who displays acts of humility, e.g. a wealthy man rendering some service with his own hands to a poor person. People gain the impression from this display that the wealthy man is very humble when in fact, he may be entirely devoid of any humility because he thinks of himself as being superior to this act.
While he overtly displays humility, he covertly believes that the act of humility in which he is involved is below his dignity. He feels conscious of having adopted humility and he believes that he has practiced virtue.
True Tawaadhu’ (humility) is the consequence of the perception (mushaahadah) of the grandeur of Allah and of the tajalli (celestial illumination) of His Attributes.
While people generally think that ostensible actions or displays of humility are Tawaadhu’, in reality true humility is that condition of lowliness which is accepted by Allah Ta’ala. When the greatness of Allah dawns on the heart of man and he vividly realizes the illumination of His Attributes, then the rebellious nafs melts away. The roots of rebellion and pride are then eradicated. The vain hopes of the nafs are annihilated.
Humility then develops. This then is true humility.
A sin which humbles a man and cultivates in him dependency on Allah, is better than such worship which generates pride and arrogance in him. The purpose of Ibaadat and Dhikr is to become humble and to feel wholly dependent on Allah Ta’ala, eliminating the rebellion and arrogance of the nafs. If on account of a sin committed because of the frailty of human nature, man is torn by remorse, and the humility he feels as a result, causes him to despise himself and to believe that the sin will destroy him, then these effects of the sin are better than the conceit which a man develops as a consequence of his acts of worship and piety. His conceit, self-esteem and pride constrain him to despise other Muslims.
A dim-witted person should not now understand from this explanation that it is better to abandon worship and commit sins. The evil of sin and the virtue and beauty of obedience are self-evident facts. At this juncture the Shaykh (rahmatullah alayh) is simply pointing out that the actual method of reaching the Divine Court is by way of acquiring true humility and dependence on Allah. (T/E1/P04)
Mi’raj News Agency (MINA)
This article (a more comprehensive version) has been published in the website: UNDERSTANDING ISLAM
*Editor of MINA (He can be contacted via email: [email protected])
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