KINDNESS AND GOOD MANNERS ARE THE BEST FORMS OF DA’WAH
by Syarif Hidayat*
In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful. Allah SWT says in Al Qur’an: “When you are greeted with a greeting, greet in return with what is better than it, or (at least) return it equally. Certainly, Allâh is Ever a Careful Account Taker of all things.” (Al Qur’an, Surah An-Nisa, Verse 86)
Islam is a beautiful religion, full of wisdom and harmony. If this wonderful religion is followed properly then a typical Muslim would only be a great example to follow.
You might believe this or not! But good manners are the best form of Da’wah. If we ask ourselves, what if a person was walking around calling people to Islam and to worship the one true God yet he have no manners at all, will anyone follow him? Or even listen to him? The answer must be No, for sure.
No one will be willing to follow the same way of life that such a person (above) follows. Even if he was so eloquent in his speech and no matter how nicely he described Islam as the best religion on the face of earth, his actions, speech,and beliefs are opposing hence no one will listen to him. People tend to believe the actions more than the speech and that is the nature of human as “actions speak louder than words.”
We need to remind ourselves that Islam was spread -during its early stages- in many countries like India and the far east of Asia through the Arab Muslim merchants who were showing the best of manners -especially in trade- to people of those countries. Their honesty and actions were so admired by people of those countries that they embraced Islam.
You can’t walk around preaching people to embrace the religion of honesty when you are not honest! You can’t advise people about morality in Islam when you don’t follow any morals! No one will believe what you are saying because simply you are not making any sense to them!
Another example of this is the story of the Jew who was a neighbor of the Prophet (peace be upon him) who used to dump rubbish on his doorstep. One day, the Prophet found no rubbish. The next day he found no rubbish, so he asked about the Jew, only to find that he was sick. He then visited the sick Jew and tried to make him feel better. As a result, the Jew became Muslim.
Why Good Manners Are Important In Islam?
First let’s see what did the Quran and the Prophet say about Akhlaaq (manners): The Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him), in Muwatta Imam Malik said: “Verily, I was sent for no other reason, except to perfect the noble traits of character” – in other words; one of the Prophet’s goals, in fact, the primary mission was the perfection of how people behave – their manners.
A Muslim can’t be a true Muslim if he does his Ibadaat (worshiping, i.e prayers, fasts, zakat..etc) very well but neglects an important side of his worship i.e Akhlaaq. In other words, he who prays his daily prayers in mosques well, but when it comes to dealing with people in his daily life he is the worst person, cannot be considered a true Muslim.
This is true of people who backbite, spreading hate and evil among people, treat those who are under his care (family, employees…etc) cruelly and lie. Yet people who are like this are still proud of themselves and think that they are guaranteed a place in Jannah because of their prayers?
The connection between Iman and manners is very strong as the Prophet peace be upon him said that faith consists of seventy branches, the least of which is the removal of a tree branch blocking the road, and in another narration, sixty branches, and Hayaa’ (which is an Arabic term, which is hard to translate and covers manners,modesty, guarding of chastity, etc) is a part of faith. So again, manners and behavior are linked directly to Iman.
The Prophet salAllaahu alayhi wa sallam said: “The best Mu’mins(believers) are those who are best in their akhlaaq, those whose shoulders’ are trodden over.”
The Prophet peace be upon him said: “Those of you who will be closest to me on the Day of Judgment will be those who have the best akhlaaq.”
A reminder on good manners
An article titled: “A reminder on good manners” published by jamiat.org.za writer and quoted by www.muslimvillage.com says One of the most beautiful things I found in Islam when I first encountered it was the emphasis on good manners. One quote a shaykh once made in a lecture particularly stuck with me: A Muslim is made by manners.
Nowadays something strange is going on in the UK, where I live. The Islamic schools are becoming known for bad manners— not only from students but from teachers as well.
Muslims themselves prefer non-Muslim landlords because at least they’re punctual. The areas in the city that are most dirty are the Muslim areas. What kind of da’wah is this?
There’s clearly something wrong. Why is there such a massive difference between what Allah The Almighty teaches us and what is being reflected in society? The answer is: manners.
The Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam said: No father can give a child anything better than good manners.[At-Tirmidhee]
Stop a moment and realize that your manners are one of the main reasons for Allah to enter you into His Gardens of Paradise. Do you know which manners Allah subhanahu wa ta’alaa loves to see in you? Do you want to motivate yourself to master them and to please your Beloved?
In this talk you’ll learn about five beautiful practices that can take you to Paradise.
It is as Allah says in this week’s central ayah: Allah will say, ‘This is the Day when the truthful will benefit from their truthfulness.’ For them are gardens [in Paradise] beneath which rivers flow, wherein they will abide forever, Allah being pleased with them, and they with Him. That is the great attainment. [Quran, 5:119]
Habits for the Sake of Allah
“Say please.”
“Say thank you!”
Why are almost all parents so keen on teaching these among their children’s first words? Because it is fitrah (natural inclination) for parents to want good manners from your children.
You should speak the truth, for example, not just because society considers it good manners; you should speak the truth because Allah ‘azza wajal has commanded you to do so! Allah(swt) has told us which manners are good. So develop your good habits only for the sake of Allah, remembering your relationship with Him and seeking closeness to Him while focusing on your manners.
Where Can We Find the Best Model of Good Character?
How do I know what a good character is? Look at the prophet salallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. He is the perfect example of good character, Allah says about him: You have indeed in the Messenger of Allah a beautiful pattern (of conduct) for any one whose hope is in Allah and the Final Day, and who engages much in the Praise of Allah. [Quran, 33:21]
Perfection in All You Do
The main attribute of the Prophet’s character was perfection; he strove for perfection in everything he did. When someone would speak to him, he would turn around fully to talk. When he shook hands, he was the last one to let go. When speaking with him, he was never the first to look away. From people who used to bury their own babies alive to the most compassionate, caring persons– he brought out the best in all his companions.
Likewise we should try to perfect anything we do, no matter how small the deed!
Five Practices With Which to Adorn Your Character for the Sake of Allah:
- 1. Be truthful.
Allah tells us in this week’s central ayah that a beautiful reward is awaiting us for our good manners.
Feel it: Speaking the truth is not always easy, especially if it can get you into trouble. But think about this: you’ll feel much better after you’ve told the truth— even if the consequence is blame or punishment— because you did something for the sake of Allah.
Motivate yourself: The Prophet said: Truthfulness leads to righteousness, and righteousness leads to Paradise. And a man keeps on telling the truth until he becomes a truthful person. Falsehood leads to al-fujur [wickedness, evil-doing], and al-fujur leads to the (Hell) Fire, and a man may keep on telling lies till he is written before Allah, a liar. [Al-Bukharee]
- 2. Keep your promises.
You’re defined by your actions, not your words.
Feel it: We don’t really intend to break promises, yet so many things we promise are not happening. Especially with loved ones we tend to just say things and never do them, because ‘they are family anyway.’ For example promising to help your little sister with her homework. These little things all count in the sight of Allah, so ask yourself this: am I trying hard enough to keep every promise I make to anyone?
Motivate yourself: Allah says: Oh you who believe! Why do you say that which you do not do? Most hateful it is in the sight of Allah that you say that which you do not do. [Quran, 61:2-3].
- 3. Be trustworthy.
Scenario: Your friend tells you about a personal problem and asks you not to tell anyone. You meet with another friend and it just all comes out.
Feel it: Are you considered trustworthy? When we say Allah is the most trustworthy, we realize that He will never let us down, will never leave our sides.
Motivate yourself: The Prophets of Allah were all trustworthy people and Allah declared the trustworthiness of those who were doubted by their people, for example Prophet Hud: I but fulfill towards you the duties of my Lord’s mission: I am to you a sincere and trustworthy adviser. [Quran, 7:68] Learn from the prophets and practice daily developing the habit of being trustworthy, not just in some situations. Accept responsibility and then fulfill it. When others trust you, do not betray their trust.
- 4. Be a sincere adviser.
Do you know you can gain Paradise by the mercy of Allah by helping two people resolve their differences?
Feel it: It’s so easy to just fire up an argument between two people by joining in and saying bad things about the other. But is this honorable? No! One of the best manners is to advice people sincerely and help them to get back together.
Motivate yourself: Allah says: The believers are but a brotherhood. So make reconciliation between your brothers, and have Taqwa of Allah so that you may receive mercy. [Quran, 49:10]
- 5. Give with a clean heart.
One day you’re walking on the street and you’re stopped by a homeless person asking you for money for food. You either ignore him or her completely and think this person is not “real” or that they won’t really buy food. You might even wonder why this person doesn’t even have a job like the rest of us.
Feel it: Does thinking like this make you feel better? Wouldn’t it feel better to just give something for the sake of Allah and maybe ask him or her to buy food with it? Or buy something to eat and just give this?
Motivate yourself: The lesson is here to never turn away a person who asks your help—this was the character of our beloved Prophet!
A Special Trait
One of the beautiful traits of a Muslim is bravery. When it comes to doing the most extreme sports etc. we are being brave! But what about being brave for our deen? Anas ibn Malik said: The Prophet was the best of the people, and he was the most generous of the people, and the bravest of the people. [Al-Bukharee, Muslim]
His courage can be seen in the way he told the Quraysh about Islam, how he was on the battlefield in the cause of Allah.
You and me are all in need of some level of courage in order to establish our deen in our daily lives!
So here’s a special dua the Prophet made:
اَللّهُمَّ إِنِّيْ أَعُوْذُ بِكَ مِنَ الْعِجْزِ ، وَالْكَسْلِ، وَالْجُبْنِ ، وَالْهَرَمِ ، وَالْبُخْلِ ، وَأَعُوْذُ بِكَ مِنْ عَذَابِ الْقَبْرِ، وَأَعُوْذُ بِكَ مِنْ فِتْنَةِ الْمَحْيَا وَالْمَمَاتِ
O Allah, I seek refuge in You from weakness and laziness, miserliness and cowardice, anxiety and sorrow, and I seek refuge in You from the torments of grave, and I seek refuge in You from the trials and tribulations of life and death. (Al-Bukharee, Muslim]
Homework: Two duas for good manners
Dua for good manners: The Prophet used to say: ‘Oh Allah, I ask you for good health, chastity, trustworthiness, good manners and to be content with destiny.’ [Al-Bukharee]
Dua to seek protection from bad manners: The Prophet used to supplicate: ‘Oh Allah! I seek refuge in You from reprehensible manners, deeds and whims.’ [At-Tirmidhee]
Is there any better blessing than being close to the Prophet in the day of judgment?
Now lets see how and where the good manners are demanded:
In the area of family, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: The best of you is the best of you to his family, and I am the best to his family.
In the area of neighbors, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: The angel Gabriel kept advising me about neighbors until I thought he would make him entitled to some part of the inheritance.
In speech, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: Nothing is weightier on the scales of the day of judgment than his good behavior. Allah treats a person who is given to loose and vulgar talk with displeasure.
With regards to backbiting,the Allah said: And do not backbite, would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother; you would surely hate it (so you should likewise hate backbiting) [Al Quran 49:12].
With regards to parents, Allah said: say not even a word to them in contempt and don’t repel them [Al Quran 17:23].
In controlling one’s temper, the Prophet (peace be upon him) says: The strong man is not the good wrestler, but the strong man is he who controls himself when he is angry.
With regards to being for giving and kind, the Prophet (peace be upon him), said to one of the Sahabah: “You have two qualities which Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’alaa) likes and loves: one is mildness and the other is toleration”.
Abu Hurairah reported that the Prophet of Allah PBUH said, “And what is most likely to send people to Paradise? Being conscious of Allah and good manners.”(bukhari)
Abd Allah ibn ‘Amr reported that the Prophet of Allah PBUH, used very often to pray in the following manner, “O Allah! I ask You for good health, for trust, for self-control, for good manners, and to be satisfied with the divine decree.”(Bukhari)
The Prophet was asked: “Which Muslim has the perfect faith ?” He answered: “He who has the best moral character.” (Tibrani)
Abdullah bin’ Amar has reported: “I have heard the Prophet as saying: ‘Should I not tell you who amongst you is the most likeable person to me . And who will be the nearest to me on the Day of the Judgment. ′ He repeated this question twice or thrice. The people requested him to tell them about such a person. He said ‘He who amongst you has the best moral character.’”(Ahmed)
Kindness and Good Manners in Islam:
Noble qualities, kindness and good manners are at the essence of Islam, below are some of the prophet Muhammad (pbuh) sayings (Hadith):
“The best amongst you are those who have the best manners and character.”
“God will not be merciful to those who are not merciful to mankind.”
“Do not consider any act of kindness insignificant, even meeting your brother with a cheerful face.”
“He who is unkind to the young and disrespectful to the old is not one of us.”
“You have two characters which God likes; gentleness and deliberation.”
“Assist any person oppressed, whether Muslim or non-Muslim”.
“The strong-man is not one who wrestles well but the strong man is one who controls himself when he is in a fit of rage.”
“Anybody who believes in God and the Last Day should not harm his neighbor, and anybody who believes in God and the Last Day should entertain his guest generously and anybody who believes in God and the Last Day should talk what is good or keep quiet.”
“No one is a true believer unless he desires for his brother that which he desires for himself”.
“When the bier of anyone passes by you, wether Jews, Christian or Muslim, rise to your feet”.
“Actions will be judged according to intentions”
“He who is deprived of gentleness is deprived of good.”
“Modesty and Chastity is part of the faith”.
“Righteousness is good character, and sin is that which revolves in your heart and which you do not want people to know.”
“The person is nearest to God, who pardons… him who would have injured him”.
“The proof of a Muslim’s sincerity is that he pays no attention to that which is not his business”.
Below are some Qur’anic verses regarding the same topic:
“Be Kind, as God has been kind to you”. Qur’an 28:77
“O you who believe! Let not some men among you laugh at others: It may be that the latter are better than the former: Nor let some women laugh at others: It may be that the latter are better than the former: Nor defame nor be sarcastic to each other, nor call each other by offensive nicknames: ill-seeming is a name connoting wickedness, to be used of one after he has believed: And those who do not desist are indeed doing wrong”. Qur’an 49:11
“Do not walk on the earth with insolence: for you can not rend the earth asunder, nor you reach the mountains in height.” Qur’an 17:37
“When a courteous greeting is offered to you, meet it with a greeting still more courteous, or at least of equal courtesy. God takes careful account of all things.” Qur’an 4:86
“Those who spend freely, whether in prosperity, or in adversity; who restrain anger, and pardon all men; for God loves those who do good.“ Qur’an, 3:134
“Hold to forgiveness; command what is right; but turn away from the ignorant”. Qur’an 7:199
“And not alike are the good and the evil. Repel (evil) with what is best, when lo! he between whom and you was enmity would be as if he were a warm friend!” Qur’an 41:34
“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect (not even Phew!), nor shout at them but address them in terms of honor and lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small.” Qur’an 17:23-24 (T/E1/P03)
Mi’raj News Agency (MINA)
*Editor of MINA (He can be contacted via email: [email protected])
This article has also been published in this Blog: UNDERSTANDING ISLAM
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